The Art of the Texas Two Step
Life, as is often said, is a dance. A dance indeed after last night's antics in Aspen….. and what a dance it was! The day began as one of those perfect bluebird ski days in Colorado... not a cloud in the sky, snow crunchy and crisp, with weather just warm enough to break out the one-piece spring ski suits. In other words, the perfect conditions to chase men.
The hunt officially began at Dante's. Aspen's latest après hot spot. Snagging a table was next to impossible given no previous thought to securing a reservation. However, the Cherry Red one piece took care of that minor detail, and within minutes, the best table with the best views for seeing and being seen was mine. It didn't take more than 3 minutes before I was suddenly surrounded by 3 very dashing Texans. Handsome, manly, funny, and most importantly, single.... ie: Available. The chase was on. I discreetly texted for back up and miraculously, 2 of my wing women appeared. A posse was formed.
The afternoon après ski scene began in its usual fashion. Sparkling Veuve brought over in chic ice buckets, a B list "celeb" spinning the latest club scene music, women who have never clicked into a pair of skis in their life trolling around in their idea of what an après ski "look" should be, the usual local male ski bums lurking about to see if some wealthy and newly divorced 50 ish age women, with freshly minted divorce money, will pick up their tabs.
Meanwhile, back at "the ranch", i.e. my table, things were progressing swimmingly. Another bottle of Champers and round of drinks arrived, delicious nibbles accompanying it, and the Texans becoming more "Texan" with each drink. The party collectively decides to move to the Mother Lode of all après scenes: The Little Nell. Again, and only thanks to the Cherry Red one piece, we snag a perfect table by the fire. Only to realize we are seated next a well-known and notorious drug Kingpin in from Mexico, along with his “friends" (bodyguards), and various "ladies of the night". A lively banter breaks out between the two tables and next thing I know, the Kingpin, who somehow in an attempt to be "legit" suddenly tells us he owns the largest Aloe Vera operation in Mexico, gets down on one knee and proposes marriage. He claims in broken English I will be his "cinco" wife. Charming. I politely decline his most generous offer of marriage to which, by now, the Texans are in stitches.
As the saying goes, the third is the charm, and I am not speaking of marriage here Dear Readers, I am referring to our next destination.
With great hoots of laughter and promises of newly formed friendships "for life", we stroll down the mall to The Wild Fig, or simply put, its new moniker, The Wild Gig. And indeed it was. This is where we run into a lovely and very charming couple from SoCal, who happen to know The Texans. Another round of drinks are ordered, more toasts to friendship, and the party train is full steam ahead. All bets, brakes, and wheels have come off at this point, when I feel it coming: the sudden realization that I am not going to get out of this with a simple "thank you, loads of fun and see you on the slopes tomorrow".. Oh no. And this is where The Texas Two step begins.. They take one step towards me, I take one step back, graciously of course, but firmly. The "dance" continues. I casually mention my dance card is full— to no avail. All my flirting coming home to roost. Serves me right. Except I hold a Trump card in my back ski pocket. The So Cal wife informs me the Texans are MARRIED. With this delightful tidbit at the ready, I switch up my game plan from the Texas Two Step by dodging, weaving, and instigating Texas Hold 'em.
And with a wave and thanks, I quickly exit stage left and head for home. I look up at the clear blue night with every star in the galaxy twinkling, and dare I say, laughing with me over yet another evening and chapter of Available in Aspen.
Respectfully submitted.
The Author